Middle Caicos, North Caicos

PAIN IS MANDATORY. SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL.

I am very enthusiastic about my future. Sometimes I also worry. I worry about trivial things. I am anxious with the thought ‘what if’.

Anxiety like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do, but it does not get you very far.
Jodi Picoult

 

Traveling makes me anxious, uncomfortable and the worst part worried. Planning is easy. I do this already for years. I read so many articles about how to plan your daily schedule, how to budget travel, how to get cheap tickets and lots of tips and tricks for travel.

I also had worked with a reputed travel agency. I used an action plan to plan small or large group activities with full details and the day-to-day of travel.

After I packed a bag, print all the necessary documents and then all the negative thoughts arise.
What if I overslept?
What if my bag is too heavy?
What if….

 

North Caicos Abandoned House

Abandoned house at Bottle Creak North Caicos

 

Thoughts emerge stronger during my quiet time. I could not sleep for two days before my trip to Ecuador. So many things had happened before my trip: an injury to my ankle, tricky booked a trip, no work permit and the last earthquake in Wanabi. Bad thougths does not frighten me. On the contrary I am more excited.

 

Fear does not shut you down; you wake up
Veronica Roth, Divergent

 

In my trip to New Orleans, I booked accommodation outside the city. Only once the tram ride into the city. The problem was those remote areas after sunset. Lots of dark streets, abandoned buildings, and there was no one around. Every day I had to get back before dark. One time I ran away like crazy just because a car stopped on the side of the road.

I avoided going to a café or dine alone. I was afraid that I could not find my way back. Also, I was not comfortable to eat alone.

Anxiety and fear have always pushed me back into my comfort zone. the comfort zone is a safe and cocoons place from the outside world. I have to fight every time. Baby steps.

 

Middle Caicos

Middle Caicos Bridge before hurricane.

 

Middle Caicos Bridge

The bridge before Hurricane. The sky always bright and blue before hurricane.

 

Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.
Peter McWilliams

 

I feel silly eating alone. Nervous. Really need special training to learn how to eat by myself. I learn every day to escape from my comfort zone.

Gradually it is getting easier.

Sometimes I  overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting to go back to my cocoon. I need encouragement to take a deep breath and dragging my legs one in front of the other. One small step.

 

Hurricane at Middle Caicos

Middle Caicos Bridge after hurricane

 

Hurricane at MC

Every beautiful things gone

 

This is my favorite …

 

If you want to choose the pleasures of growing, preparing for pain.
Ritu Ghatourey

 

I’ve always wanted to do what I want. Working on my time. More time for yourself. I do not want to work long hours and stress with the mounting  of document. A tiring job.

It’s easier said than done.

It took six years to figure out what I wanted to do and grasp it. Moreover, as so many things I want to do. It’s hard to focus on one thing at a time. Sometimes I got frustrated.

Then came the harsh reality.

I had to speed up the plan because of a health condition that is difficult to explain. Painful reality. I have a perfect health record. By some unknown reason, my blood pressure is too high for normal people. Strangely I do not feel anything. No headache, feeling faint or other symptoms. I did everything from intermittent fasting (eating with a time window of 6 hours per day) to eat healthy food. I am a regular practice of yoga, pilates, swimming, and jogging. The result was still the same.

But the doctor added a new drug. Nothing has changed.

 

Pain is mandatory.

 

tiarapermatainspiration

Bambara Beach, Middle Caicos

 

North Caicos Beach

Let loose at the North Caicos Beach. Can I leave this behind?

 

I have to go through painful episodes first. It took a long time for me. To be honest, I was in denial. I always think that tomorrow will be better.

I feel helpless.

I know in my heart that stress caused it. Even though I do not know what I stress for. I love my job and could not find anything that makes me stress that my blood pressure spike.

 

Suffering is optional.

 

It is time to move on and take the liberty to pursue my dreams.
My happiness.
Ready or not, I have to take a leap of faith.
No matter how scared, I have to do this.

 

Beach at TCI

Mudjin Harbor in bright sunny day (Turks and Caicos Island)

 

tiarapermatadaretodream

North Caicos Sunset

 

It’s not the first time I did this.

I did this when I choose where I had to spend one year gap before the second national examination. I took a leap of faith again when I opted for early retirement in 2001 from a travel agent in Bali. Then I resigned to work in the Caribbean in 2011 to take a two-year sabbatical. I did not even expect that my former boss asked me to work again in the Caribbean in 2013.

I did this many times. So I know … I can do it.

It’s not too late to grow.

Keep the faith.

 

 

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